Aloha everyone. Thanks as always for reading. We love you guys on Conversations with Spencer. J Today we’re talking about sexual stereotyping in its various forms and how they tie in with people’s fantasies.
Why is it okay for a tall man to go out with a short woman, but people take a second look, the vice-versa? Why can an older man go out with a younger woman, but reversing it gets a lot more comments? Would we accuse a younger man of ‘gold-digging’ or going for her wallet?
Times have changed. Do we find these things less ‘startling’ now? Are there still some really ingrained sexual stereotypes we can’t get past?
I’m seeing a huge role reversal on SM at the moment and wonder idly whether it’s reverse sexism.
Back in the day, we women used to hate going to guys houses and they’d have girlie magazines pictures on their walls. In their bedrooms for God’s sake. The comparison was never flattering. We hated those guys. And it was very one sided. God forbid that we should do anything like that. In a strike for feminism, my girlfriend Zak and I took the centerfold out of a Cleo magazine and taped it to our toilet door.
It was incredibly boring in reality. Just the years shots of naked men from the back. You couldn’t see anything interesting. But boy, did that rark up the guys!
They’d come out saying, “Huh, I don’t like your poster much in the toilet.” They’d be really put out. And yes, they were the girlie poster guys. We decided we didn’t like those guys much. Their sexist attitude could take a hike. On your bike mike!
But what I’ve noticed lately is a flurry of semi-naked or naked men shots on everyone’s SM walls. From women and gay men alike. I’ve done it myself. Has the pendulum swung and we’re now doing reverse sexism by having naked and half naked guys plastered all over OUR walls?
And what do the guys think about this? Gay guys don’t count sorry. We know what you think? J
Where does the fantasy start and stop? And what makes any of these fantasies attractive?
When interviewed, gay men said they actually wouldn’t like to date any of the 12-pack men they ogle in boyie ‘magazines.’ They’d just like an average guy. Women love big penis shots, but in real life, that would be uncomfortable and a pain in the arse and other places after a while.
So Spencer, tell me why you like tall women? What’s the attraction?
Had to think about this for a while. By and large for a guy, bigger is better, up to a point, of course. Society defers to big men. Studies prove this out in many ways, maybe most telling is that your average CEO is above normal height. The Napoleon thing aside, size not only matters for guys, it pays.
Women on the other hand have a different experience. It's rare to find a woman pleased with her body or stature. Women want to be noticed but aren't supposed to stand out. A woman taller than six feet will stand out like a stalk of corn in a soybean field.
Esquire article, Ann Friedman 2013
Webb found that it isn’t just men lying about their height online, women do, too—to appear shorter. (With good cause: Women over six feet receive forty percent fewer messages on OkCupid than their 5’4” counterparts.) Ask any super-tall woman about her dateless teenage years and the number of times a well-meaning adult said to her, “The boys are just intimidated by you.” Taller is mannish. Taller is… weird.
More challenging, women typically do their most serious growing before boys, so they’ll stand out more boldly during those socially awkward tween and teen years. Above six feet three it gets harder to fit physically into the world, seats, beds, clothes, living spaces. So when I see a tall woman who projects herself with confidence, moving through the world with grace, still projecting female allure, that's amazing and sexy to me. The fantasy is 'what would it be like to make love to a woman like that?'
The premise of my latest story, "Love Above See Level" explores this fantasy. In the story, my male MC is smitten by a woman, six feet-seven inches tall, who he sees paddle-surfing at his local surfers hangout. He decides he wants to make a play for her attention and off we go.
When my children were young I worked at out local YMCA. One of the many part-time employees there was a woman who was nearly six feet-five inches tall. One day when I came in to set up for my program there was a note from her introducing herself as "Karen, the tall one". She went on to let me know she had borrowed some of my supplies for the nursery, where she worked, and she would replace them. The next time I saw her I commented that most of us go through life wondering what people might notice about us and with her there was no doubt. That makes for a very different life.
Meg, this is totally different from your original point of the discomfort women felt when surrounded by pictures of attractive nude or semi nude women like the ones you post on your "Red Head" site.
I chuckle at the way my world has turned. The private Facebook site for the authors of my publisher is almost entirely women. They publish pictures of guys with impossibly well developed bodies in various states of undress along with lewd comments. I'm more entertained than threatened or intimidated. But believe me I understand how degrading that must feel when encountered in the work place. I never have or never will (especially at my age) measure up physically to those guys.
We've talked before about my squickyness with M/M. I admit that the pictures of men in various states of intimacy with other men is a turn off. There is plenty of that on my authors site as well. There are many women who are fascinated, if not attracted to gay men. Someone I know writes extensively about that-and with Pacific Islanders, no less (ahem). So Meg, what's with that?
|Dayvid Thomas. He's my new Muse for my new Hawaiian character in HAWAIIAN WARRIOR - the new book I've just started writing. :-)|
Love is love! J I write about who turns up in my head and wants their story told. But it’s not just that. Yes, there are a large sector of us women who LOVE gay romances. I think there are a few factors in it. One it’s damn sexy for we women. Two men being emotionally open and intimate with each other. We don’t always see that or get that with our hetero men. Well, I do to a larger degree, because I like metro men and can’t stand non-emotional men. THEY squick me quite literally. I can’t find anything attractive in them. The Ken-dollies I call them.
And it’s that funny thing with people, what’s on the outside is only the package, it’s the gift inside that counts.
I was once in a group and kept hearing about this guy they called ‘Cowboy.’ The women loved him! He was gorgeous, fun, a great person. He was uber-cool because he drove a Chev Impala (the –seats 6 across the front comfortably kind and American ‘Yank Tanks’ were sooooooo cool in New Zealand growing up.) He was also in the air force, throw in a uniform. And he was sexy… apparently. I hadn’t met him.
Anyway, for weeks I’d heard about this gorgeous guy Cowboy/Nigel was his real name. I got invited down to the air force bar one day for drinks and Nige was on the bar. I think my mouth just about dropped to the floor when I saw him.
And not in a good way…
He had on awful denim jeans (you know the cheap nasty kind) and he had a howdy doody plaid shirt on (terribly uncool in NZ.) And he had the ‘scrunchy’ face a lot of Gaelic people have. He was tall, thin, pale and yeah……… not sexy. At all.
I thought, this is THE Cowboy? Seriously? THE Cowboy everyone’s been raving about, how gorgeous he is, sexy, fun, funny, great guy. Aha.
Although… he did have the most beautiful icy blue eyes that when he smiled… bloody hell! They twinkled and lit up. And when you got talking to him, he was interesting and fun. He was funny and caring. He was charismatic and enticing…
By the end of the day, I was in love with him and I thought he was gorgeous… and we ended up together for a while. J
Another guy I went out with once… was stunning to look at, but absolutely brainless, humorless, and downright boring. By the next morning (yes, don’t ask) I thought, just leave.
My sister was staying with me and she said, “Wow, that guy was gorgeous. Are you going to see him again?”
I said, “No, he’s boring, there’s nothing to him.”
She couldn’t understand it.
So, you see, I personally want the emotionally available male. And gay men often are that. They’re ‘feminized’ men, not in a flouncy way, but emotionally we get to see who they are. And that’s incredibly sexy and inviting because they show us their emotions, their vulnerabilities. They open up and let us in…
Plus, it’s sexy, a wee bit naughty. You get two men being emotionally open and intimate to varying degrees. You get incredibly hot male/male sex. You get two penises, two set of balls and for me…. Two sets of lovely black pubic hair… Hot damn!
We women have been on the outside of men’s emotional processes for so long that these books feed us in many ways. We like our gay male friends. They talk to us about EVERYTHING. They tell us all their emotions. They talk openly about sex and aren’t shy on details. They share things with us. In short, they’re the perfect man… only one teeny weeny tiny thing that’s missing. They also like men. Damn.
Also for me on a personal level, I write male/male because I hate the prejudice out there and the gay bashers. I hate racism. I write what I stand for. Nearly all my books have some mention on racism in them. I hate it. I hate homophobia. I don’t understand it. So, it’s another way for me to support gay rights. There are a lot of layers to this for me.
I think the important thing is fantasy. It's just fantasy. Fantasy is often derided but fantasies help us set boundaries. My thing about tall women is a fantasy. It's not something I act on. However as I've said before, one great thing about being an erotic romance author is that I can make love to any woman I want and my wife couldn't care less. (And, more fantasy...the object of my desire likes it :) ) "Love Above See Level" is about trying to bring my fantasy about tall women to life.
I see all this posting stuff as a healthy sign that fantasy is still alive. The premise of the delightful children's movie, "The Never Ending Story" is, the force of unspeakable evil, "The Nothing" seeks power by robing the world of fantasy. "People without hope are easy to control." Chillingly accurate for the world at large today or for the inner world of someone suffering from depression.
I see our job and our great public service as keeping fantasy alive in a way that is uplifting.
The question always comes around of who would star in the movie version of your story? I don't think there are any women actresses six-feet-seven inches tall but Hollywood is good fooling with our perception. My first choice would be a young Sigourney Weaver. While she is only six feet tall so many leading men are short (think Tom Cruse) she towers over them. She's smart, elegant and wonderfully proportioned for a tall woman.
I think for the guy it is someone laid aback but sensitive like Matthew McConaughey.
I am open to suggestions. Maybe our readers have some ideas.
Meg you really have a challenge casting for your stories. "Brokeback Mountain" did a lot for gay roles and stories in the movies but I think a lot of actors would be nervous about the roles.
I’m not sure that’s true in this day and age. A role is a role for a thespian. If you’re a good actor and a mature person, you’ll like the challenge of what that role might bring to you. And Hollywood is one of the most progressive places now for gay actors and actresses. Gone are the old days of lauding a film star as hetero if they’re not—thank goodness. It must have been living hell for the old thespians of old who were gay or lesbian. Imagine having to live a lie every day of your life. Never being able to do the normal things we take for granted as opposite sex couples. Something as simple as holding hands or a nice kiss would have been out of the question.
I saw a movie called A Single Man with Colin Firth. It was absolutely heartbreaking. A gay man’s partner dies back in the fifties or sixties and no one acknowledges it. He’s not allowed to go to the funeral. It tore at me. If what I write can open any doors up in people’s mind, then I’m glad. I want people to know that love is love. And no matter what your fantasy or preference, it’s all okay. You are accepted at my house any time.
Thanks as always for reading. I think we have rambled a bit today. LOL. But at the very least go if you have a fantasy of a tall woman, go and grab a copy of Spencer’s new book Love Above See Level.
A beach bum/surfer is smitten by a woman six feet seven inches tall. But can his infatuation turn to love above see level?
Clayton Stoner is a blond, bronzed, hard-bodied, beach bum/surfer living the life of a thirty-one-year-old Peter Pan in a tiny oceanside cottage near St. Augustine, Florida. One calm Sunday, he sees a strikingly beautiful woman who is six feet seven inches tall taking paddle surfing lessons at the local surfer's beach. He is immediately smitten, but unable to get her attention when he encounters her at a nearby convenience store, and again, later that day, as she is running along the beach where he is relaxing.
They finally connect when he is sent to do plumbing repair work at the beach cottage she is renting. She continues to spurn his friendly advances. It looks hopeless for him until fate intervenes. But can a laid-back surfer and a woman driven by career achievement see eye to eye well enough for a long-term relationship?
A light offshore breeze did little to dry the sweat on our brows as we sat on the front porch of my beach cottage, transfixed by the surf. Our suits were still wet from our frustrating day trying to ride waves that wouldn't form. Nothing dries in North Florida humidity except throats after a day of sun and surf. My buddy Smitty and I were several beers in before I finally broke the ice.
"So, Smitty, what do you do when you find your eyes are at tit level with a beautiful woman?"
"My eyes are always at tit level with women."
"Asshole, I'm not talking about where your eyes are looking. I'm talking about height. What if your eyes were only as high as a woman's breasts?"
"Are these breasts sagging down to her belly button?"
I made a cross with my fingers and held it up to him, hoping his flesh would burn. "No, in fact, they were small and pushing straight out. She was very trim."
"If you had leaned forward, would you have got one nipple in each eye?"
"Stop it. I'm being serious here."
"So am I. She could put your eye out."
"That's my beer you're drinking," I said. "You could at least give me some decent advice."
He rubbed his chin as if it would make him smarter. Smitty only thought with his cock, and I was glad he didn't whip it out and rub it for insight.
"Dude, they're all the same height lying down. And a tall one can wrap her legs around you twice. What's your problem?"
I huffed and shook my head. "Smitty, if they ever cut your head open, nothing but pussy would fall out."
"Okay, Stoner, I've got a half a beer left, and then I got to go. The mullet are running, and I want to come down tonight to do some fishing. Are you with me?"
"No. I've got an early job tomorrow."
"Would you mind if I parked in your driveway then?"
"I promise I'll be extra quiet if I see a couple of legs hanging out the window."
"What are you talking about?"
"Dude, if you get that woman into your bedroom, there's no way she's gonna fit on your bed without hanging her legs out the window."
Smitty had a point. My beach cottage was pretty small.
"So where did you meet this beauty?" Smitty asked, catching a belch.
"Well, we haven't really met yet. I was in line in front of her down at the Circle K earlier today. I turned around, and there I was with my nose in her breasts."
"So what's her name, where does she live, and is she available?"
Releasing on 7th Nov!!!