Friday, October 10, 2014

DOES MY PENIS LOOK BIG IN THESE JEANS? Conversations with Spencer!!!


Aloha everyone! Today we thought we’d tackle a tough package and let’s hope we don’t get eaten for lunch over it. Do we have the balls or the er equipment to um…tackle this subject.

Yeah… I think I’m out of silly juvenile penis innuendoes now… 

Does size matter? Who lies about penis size? The women? The men? This is what we’re chatting about today on Conversations with Spencer.

One of our erotic writer friends said he DID lie about his penis size on line, thinking he’d NEVER meet the lady in question. Well, he did and she forgave him and married him.

PENIS FACTS 1. Only 6 percent of the male population needs extra-large rubbers, according to condom manufacturers. In other words, 94 percent of men lie.

So, how important is it in the grand scheme of things? Who cares more? Who lies more?

When a man says, “Is my penis big enough?” What woman is game enough to say, “Well, now that you mention it…”

Or do we all lie to save male ego, not hurt someone’s feelings, be nice? Or do we care as much as they think we do?

And what do we think about men who ask this question?

Who’s more obsessed with penis size – men or women?

PENIS FACTS 2. Eight-five percent of women are satisfied with the penis size of their partners, although only 55% of guys like their size. About 90% of women prefer a wide penis to a long one.i

We had one of our writers once say, I bet it was the large penis you all noticed in that written piece. But it wasn’t for the women. It was the kindness or humanness or humor of the man.

Do we really not mind? Well… I’m obviously the female part of this chat today and I’m ooooh… going to have to be honest. Ouch.

Do I want someone who’s a foot long? No! My toyboy said he damaged someone’s cervix and she ended up at the emergency room? OMGiddy Aunt! It is uncomfortable if someone is too long.

But… I do like looking at big penises. Yes I do. They’re just so lovely. Well, actually, MOST penises are lovely to look at for me. I really like male genitalia. It’s very exciting, very sexy. You get a soft flaccid penis that transforms into a rock hard velvety exterior upright cock. It fascinates me. I love watching and feeling the process from soft to hard. I have to admit, there’s a wee bit of penis envy in there for me. J


Guys this is not an invitation to send a picture of your junk. We have standards of proper demeanor here.


Yes, and I only like shots with pubic hair. Plus, if I want to look at that, I’ll go and seek it out myself. And really…here’s another question. Why do guys DO that stuff? Why do guys think sending pictures of their penises will win them a date? My instant reaction is “euuwww, creepy.” I want to know what makes those guys tick that think that’s a really cool thing to do? Do they ACTUALLY think they’ll get a date? Are they socially inept? Are they mentally deranged? Arrogant? What? I do wonder.

I remember years ago, working with a guy who said a friend of his used to hit on this woman all the time, who wouldn’t go out with him (and you’ll see why her instincts were DEAD on in a moment.) So, one day, while she was working in the library, he unzipped his fly and flopped his penis out on the desk. Without missing a beat, she looked up, looked at it and said, “Oh…it looks like a penis, only much smaller.” Then went back to work. YES!!!

I HATE those guys that did things like that back then and do things like that now. And I want to know WHY some men would do that stuff? Okay, but back to our main broadcast! And the men I DO like and love.

PENIS FACTS 3 During the Middle ages, men walked around in a codpiece, an often brightly colored covering for the penis in men’s breaches. It was padded and molded in the shape of a permanent erection. King Henry VIII had the largest codpiece in England.

And just as an aside when Spencer and I were discussing this. I had commented on the fact that it seems men have a much easier time getting hard, being turned on, staying turned on and orgasming. And it’s just so fun!!


Young men. But its still fun for old guys.


I don’t think our bits are particularly fun, but I suspect there’s quite a few men that would disagree with that statement.


That would be me, for one.


So, back to the main topic. One question at a time. What DO I say when a man says, “Is my penis big enough?”

Would I say, “Well, I’m glad you asked Bob, because really, your penis is not up to scratch. It’s not long enough, thick enough, not crazy on the color and please…please…I beg you. Grow some pubic hair!!!”

No. I would not say those things. I might say, ‘You know… I LOVE pubic hair.” But saying to someone, I don’t like your penis, is like saying to someone, actually your nose is just too big. And how does that work? We like big penises but not big noses?

So, why do men ask this question?


The flip side of penis envy is penis insecurity.

I want everyone reading this who has an iPhone to punch up the robot assistant Siri and ask about penis size. She told me the average size of an erect male penis is 15.5 centimeters. Well, damn woman, how long is that? I'm an American. Six inches.

Woot woot! I'm above average for once in my life!

There is so much to probe here from the silly to the profound. Would I trade my above average tool for an above average IQ? I'm not smart enough to know. (rim shot)


PENIS FACTS 4 The world’s largest penis
The largest penis ever to be medically verified was 13.5 inches long and 6.25 inches in circumference. Just to put that in perspective, the average vagina is three to four inches deep.
And wouldn’t that be so inconvenient! I once had someone on in a story about the penis of the hero being big enough to barely get their hand around. I said, how big is this penis? Crikey dick! Reality in writing please folks. J But perhaps the hero was this man’s brother.

It's best I begin with confession. I never sat around in the locker room comparing erections with the guys. I don't know if guys even do that. A straight, vanilla guy like me, from a sexually repressed background has very little occasion to see other men erect anywhere aside from porn films.

My first wife and I were virgins when we met, having had no previous sexual experience. I had no idea about my size. The topic never came up. We eventually divorced. When I started dating again, I was surprised that women partners described me as big. I thought, “what a perfect lie to tell a man to boost his ego. How is he going to know?” Of course I was flattered, but too repressed to ask the hundred or so follow-up questions.


Well, I’m quite keen to know what the hundred or so follow-up questions would have been. We women would love to know what men would love to ask? Do tell Spencer? J


I think it would be; really? really? You’re not fooling really? How much bigger? What does bigger feel like? And so? Wow I'm really bigger? How was that for you? Did I get it right? And on and on with all my male insecurities.


Ah, so see, this is why men ask that question. They’re not really saying, Does my penis look fabulous? They’re saying, am I okay? Did I do it right? Am I enough for you? This makes more sense to me now? It’s not an ego question they’re asking. It’s a confidence question. Am I okay? The same thing we all want to know at the end of the day.


More confession. It was a nice ego boost. I'm not sure how well I would have handled the disappointment card a second time around. My ex-wife played the disappointment card with all the skill of a Las Vegas Black Jack dealer.

I've been married now to the same woman for 25 years. She tells me how good I am. It still matters. Now I've reached that time in life when sexual performance is on the decline-rapidly—not for lack of interest—just biology.

Meanwhile, or not surprisingly the phenomenon of erectile dysfunction and its twin brother, male enhancement have broken through to main stream advertising. Viagra has been showing progressively younger men in its commercials. (They started with Bob Dole). But a true sign that the end of civilization is near, even the bastion of maleness, "Monday Night Football" has been invaded. Football advertising is mostly trucks and beer. Beer fantasy is the greatest. Imagine a long legged, big breasted, narrow hipped woman is going to love me for the beer I drink. (MEG: lol… snorting with laughter. Now, you put it like that… yes? It does make you wonder. J) 

Now that friend’s is unabashed false advertising, but we slurp it up. The breach happened last Monday. Now a sultry, young gal with a smoky British accent, played with her hair while telling me its okay for me to go get the blue pill. I bet it was lines around the block for every physician in the land.

Once again I think as writers of erotica we have an opportunity to change the chorus. What is more common in erotica than the MC with big junk? It's time to celebrate the little guy. I have had female characters with small breasts ("The Substitute" coming soon from Breathless Press). Part of the character arc of Britta Sorensen involves her small breasts—they symbolize what she feels is wrong with her life. My male MC tells her and shows her how erotic small breasts are.

Small is the new big. Who's up for that? (pun intended)

So ladies, there’s a time and place for truth and mercy, sometimes they are at odds. When a woman says, “does this make me look fat?” A wise man comes to see it is a loaded question, and the answer weighs heavily on his future. If a man asks you if you think he's big, mercy is a far more blessed quality than truth. Tell the lie. He won't know. Or you can always say, “You’re the biggest I've ever had.” Throw in a longing sigh and he'll hand you the charge card.


Okay, here’s something I find interesting reading this. You think we should well… stretch a truth slightly? Okay, I understand that. No one wants to hurt someone’s feelings. But do some men think that we’re after their ‘charge-card?’ Why?

PENIS FACTS 6. There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size or nose size. And the bad news is even worse for gold-digging nymphos: There's no correlation between penis size and wallet size.


The charge card thing is only a joke. All I'm saying is that men are terribly insecure about their ability to satisfy a woman. As far as stretching the truth, men are as insecure as women. "Does this make me look fat" is about a lot of body image issues that men are supposed to have answers for. We don't have good answers but we should. But really we can't. My wife is a curvy woman. I love her body. She had been programmed to hate it. I can't bring enough to overcome the women's' chorus. It breaks my heart at times.

Men are just as insecure. We long to hear that whatever we have satisfies our partner. So tell you man he satisfies you—if he does—if he doesn't help him to do it better. You want him to see you with the eyes of love. Why not return the favor and see him as the man he wants to be?


This conversation has been interesting for me in that I realize how insecure men are. I always thought that question was a slight mark of arrogance, but I’m realizing it’s not. I’m not even sure why I thought that. Is that the same reason jerks send penis pics? Do they think it’s the only way a woman might consider going out with them? I have the personality of a bullfrog, face of a martian and my POS car is nothing to write home about either… However…I can offer you this!!! Ta Da!!! The penis extraordinaire!!


Unfortunately but maybe not surprisingly phallus phasination goes back to the dawn of mankind. I remember seeing a documentary about a tribe living somewhere in the South Pacific that had very little contact with Westerners. The guys wore hollowed out roots over their penis, apparently the larger your root the more status you had. So I ask you, what's changed? The Asian's are going to put tigers elephants and rhinoceros into extinction trying to get elixir’s for male enhancement.

Vanuatu tribesmen

God, Mother Nature or Darwin also had a hand on this. I believe that homo sapiens have a larger penis related to body size than any of the great apes. In my unpublished micro-fiction work, "Garden Makeover," Adam and Lilith are having lots of troubles. Among other things Lilith is not satisfied sexually. Adam can't get her to do anything. God finally agrees to a do-over. He puts Adam to sleep to create Eve, but also improves his package. Lilith finds Adam and Eve together and stomps out of the garden in a rage.

We mock women for their insecurity, but we men are just as bad. I wonder how much money is spent each year on male enhancement?


And the above story of Adam and Eve and Lilith illustrates the point. Men often think that size is a requirement for making someone a good lover or that it will be more attractive to a woman. Both of those things are completely false. It’s what you do with it, not the size or shape that counts. What’s that saying, “A man is only as good as the tools he uses.” Or something like that. I’ve come across a few guys with big penises and they were crap lovers. They almost seemed to be of the opinion that they had a big penis, so nothing else was required. If you don’t know what you’re doing with other things like your hands, fingers, mouth and tongue, who cares what your penis does?

I think it comes down to the fact that a larger percentage of women DON’T orgasm through penetration sex. Does this make a man feel ‘less than’ because his penis isn’t really the object of direct arousal per se? Lucee Lovett has just written a story about a guy and his wife who are having a hard time sexually. The guys convinced all along it’s because his penis isn’t big enough. But it nothing to do with that. It’s because he’s useless in bed. He’s never brought his wife to orgasm manually. He gets to where he needs to be and has been convinced his penis will be the sole source of her joy. Sorry…not the case.

Yes, god forbid we’d have to do without them, and it’s not to say that making love with someone deep inside you isn’t gorgeous…but…and…it’s not usually our sole source of orgasm.


Again and performance are a whole related issue that really accelerates a man's insecurity. You deal with it so well with your character Henry, although he has a faster recovery time than a typical 68 yr old, he offers us old guys hope.


J On Henry. Thanks. Well, remember too, that Henry is into progressive medicine, so he’s healthier generally than your average 68 year old. He does use natural testosterone cream on his skin every day to replace what’s missing. So that does help him…and…the author has taken a wee bit of liberty. But not overly so. I wanted it to be as realistic as possible. Often Henry can’t have sex, because he’s simply out. I did research this because I didn’t want it coming off as ridiculous. I really did find one doc who said he had a 98 year old patient who still had regular sex. I thought that was wonderful!!!

But getting back to the performance thing as well. I’ve noticed sometimes that men seem to think they need ‘stamina’ or to go for a long time. I’m not sure that’s across the board. What says you Spencer? I personally get bored if it goes on for too long. I don't want to be mentally doing my grocery list because wonder lover thinks he’s got to out-beat his last record of 24.25 minutes.

I'm noticing what women want, and men THINK we want aren't really matched up.

Yes, a big penis is lovely to look at, but sometimes in reality, not all that comfortable. Thickness is often nicer than length. And I personally love big balls, the often neglected part of male genitalia. They’re just so sexy!

Do men concentrate on ball size? Do they worry men the same way that penis size does? These are the things I wonder about?

BALLS FACTS 1 The big-balled cheater
“Testicular research of a more sociological kind has deduced that men with large testicles are likely to be more unfaithful, the converse being true of men with small testicles,” says Hickman. Thus, he advises, with tongue firmly planted in cheek: “A woman” — or man, I would add — “seeking a reliable long-term partner might be advised to invest in an orchidometer,” a medical instrument designed for measuring balls.
Which does not bode well for me, because I have a real thing for big balls… So…I wonder how good that research really is. Do I need to go online and order an orchidometer? Or should I just go by feel or the ‘eyecometer.’

Getting back to performance. Yes, I don’t want someone to come in two seconds flat, but I also don’t want the marathon sex session where I’m a) sore b) dry and c) doing my grocery list.

I’m more concerned with what someone DOES with their hands, mouth and penis than just the penis alone in sex. I grew up in the generations of men who didn’t think a woman’s orgasm was necessary or even knew what it was. I’m probably less tolerant of men who are obsessed over THEIR size and THEIR ego needs in bed. And because I just have to know these things:

BALL FACTS 2 Blue balls are real. Prostatic congestion is the medical term for it – when the testicles and prostate are filled with too much goo and you can't get relief. Fortunately, instead of doing something irrational, a man could simply take an aspirin, a warm shower, or think about grandma having sex with grandpa.

PENIS FACTS 7 every year, Kawasaki, Japan holds a penis festival called the Kanamara Matsuri. This Shinto fertility festival includes a giant 2.5 meter wooden penis carried by locals, phallus-shaped tokens, and suggestively carved vegetables. 

So, in conclusion, what do we think? Well, it's insecurity on the part of all humans. A very human condition to ask the questions we do. We're not so much asking, aren't I fabulous, look at me. We're asking, am I okay, do you still love me, am I acceptable to you?

And here's a sexy penis shot, one of my favorites. It also brings us to our next topic we'd thought we'd talk about. I've noticed that a lot of us women and gay men are putting up sexy piccies of nude men. Is this the equivalent of the old 'girlie' magazine pinup spreads on guys bedroom walls in the 70's and 80's when I came of age? And we HATED them. Is this the equivalent though? Sexism reversed? We're wondering. 

Stayed tuned for our next Conversations with Spencer with Meg Amor and Spencer Dryden - sensual and erotic romance writers. The men and women's thoughts on love, sex and relationships. Aloha for now and thanks as always to the great readers!!! We love you. 




  1. VERY interesting discussion, Meg and Spencer. (I'm not gonna lie to ya. My favorite part as the final picture. I'm with Meg - penises are lovely to look at. For me, it's the virility and "capability" they represent. :-)

    I'd be curious to know what your thoughts are on circumcision. Cut or uncut preferences? Personally, I've never experienced an uncut male. But, I hear there is some sense of inhibition for looking "different" than other males (one way or the other).

    1. Aloha Elizabeth! Thanks for reading and commenting. Much appreciated. :-)

      Ohh thanks for liking the final pic. It's one of my favorites. Men in see through panties. LOL. Yum. I do love men in underpants that are fitting. They're just gorgeous. And of course, naked, they're just lovely. So male and masculine. Just beautiful.

      I personally am against circumcision. I think it's barbaric. And there's no need for it. It's male mutilation. It also cuts down on sensitivity for guys.

      And for women. Read this from William Ortego · Top Commenter
      A circumcised man's penis acts as a pump and withdraws all your natural vaginal lubrication. An intact [uncircumcised] man's foreskin acts as a stopper preventing vaginal and penile lubrication from escaping, similarly it has mechanical lubrication which makes it all better. Instead of roughly rubbing the inside of your vagina drying you out and causing soreness eventually, an intact man gently and deeply massages, moist probe against moist receptacle, instead of what feels like a broom handle.

      Approximately 85% of the world has normal penises, i.e. with foreskin intact. It's only a small percentage that still consider circumcision okay. The Muslim countries, Israel and the United States at more than 80% circumcised.

      New Zealand sits at 7 percent - go New Zealand!! :-)

      Thailand 13 percent
      Brazil on a par with NZ - 7 percent
      Greece, Spain, Denmark, China, Finland and Japan - less than 2 percent. Let's here it for these wonderful countries!!

      Basically mutilated men are mostly here in the States. The rest of the world at large isn't a fan of this ghastly practice and would not feel odd having a normal penis. They used to cut little boys without any pain killer on board... barbaric...

      I like the foreskin on men.. it's sexy to touch and taste. You get lovely slide with it and yes, you don't lose your own lubricant. :-)

      Aloha Meg :-)

  2. Elizabeth:
    Thanks for commenting. Yes the whole crew neck, turtle neck is a related discussion. It's quite the controversy these days. The public health benefits for circumcision are minimal in a society that bathes regularly. In my day it was done routinely-a requirement of all Christian denominations. Our boys are NOT circumcised. Out #1 son was born with a heart defect. The doctors recommended against circumcision. We followed their advice. We didn't have #2 snipped so that they would be a match. I can't imagine how the sensation from a female POV would be any different. Maybe its time for you to launch an experiment and get back to us.

    1. Aloha Spencer! And yay for not mutilating your boys...

      I will tell you it's smoother and yes, more lubricated from a women's point of view. The man gets to keep his own lubrication too and is more 'slicked.' Much better all round. And read William Ortega's comment. This was from a Cosmo article. Great stuff.

      I can see no reason to cut off someone's skin. Perhaps we should routinely clip the ears of people who think circumcision is good and see how they feel about that. Or for sex offenders... I do like how you dealt with that in your book BLISS Spencer. :-) I thought that was perfect.

      Yes.......... I am just a teeny tiny wee bit rabid about this subject. LOL.

      Aloha Meg ;-)

  3. Meg:
    I did not know that. Aren't we ever doing a great public service here?.

    We got a pass on number one because of his health but we took lot of flak with number two. We told them to stick it.

    Yes, Christina administered some great Old Testament justice, didn't she?

  4. Aloha Spencer. LOL.

    Yes, we are. I have to say, I find out new things all the time too.

    Wow... really... you got shit from people because you didn't circumcise? How dreadful. Good on you for telling them to stick it. The next person who disagrees with you in a discussion. Ask them for a pair of scissors, then proceed to discuss which part of their ear you're going to snip off and watch their horrified reaction. Point taken - yes! :-)

    Christina was great in BLISS... I just loved her and the way she dealt with stuff. It was excellent. :-)

    Aloha Meg :-)

  5. As far as circumcision goes, we didn't cicumsize Noah, but about two years ago he developed an infection so we had to get him circumsized.

    As far as the bog itself, I'm right at average in size - at least I was when a college girlfriend mesured me (a smidgeon under six inches). Thankfully, I never had anyone tell me I was too small (that includes the three black women I dated).

  6. Aloha Daily! Thanks for stopping in, reading and commenting. :-)

    I can understand when it's medically needed. I have no issue with that.

    LOL... on men measuring themselves. :-) I always find this fascinating. And you're all lucky you write under pen names. LOL. But thank you for the information. :-)

    Aloha Meg :-)

  7. You guys are both educational and entertaining!

    Actually, there are dozens of Shinto-based phallus festivals annually, Shinto began as a folk religion, seriously concerned with fertility and procreation.

    As for the main question - I really don't think size by itself is at all a determinant of the quality of a sexual experience. And yet male concern over size seems to run very deep (witness your tribal guys from Vanuatu). I feel a bit sorry for you men, worrying and comparing all the time. Relax! Your penis doesn't matter NEARLY as much as you think it does...!

    1. Aloha Lisabet, :-)

      So sorry, thought I'd responded, but my brain skipped a beat. :-) Thanks so much for your comments, and reading our blog. :-)

      I didn't know that about Shinto. That's interesting. Now that I think about it too. There's that Japanese art form that carves sexual figures and positions. Can't think what they're called, but much prized and they go for fairly healthy sums.

      And it's true, unless you've very tiny, size isn't really a measure of how good the sexual experience will be with someone. My only thing I'd say over the years is that I have met a few guys with big penises, who seemed to think that was all that required of them. Rubbish in bed. And I've been out with a few smaller guys who worked harder to please and take their time... Lovely lovers!! :-)

      Thanks Lisabet! Nice to see you over here. Aloha Meg :-)

  8. Lisabet:
    Shinto. Hmm. Thanks for that and for you comment. To your point about our male insecurity, yes we should get over it. However is there a more standard trope in erotica than a well endowed male? Who defends the under sized? Conversely, small breasts can be very erotic. I have written about women with small breasts in two stories and have a third on the way. We have lines in romance for the Rubenesque woman-another very sexy thing-curves. If anyone could make a small man sexy it would be you. :)

  9. I think I may write a flasher about a man with a smaller penis, Spencer.

    Meg, you also bring up a good point about marathon sex. My wife likes it best when I only go for about five minutes. She's really sensitive after orgasm and her recovery time is not what it once was.

    1. Aloha Daily!

      LOL. I must read this flasher Daily. I'm not very good with flashers.

      Yes, I don't think the marathon sex does much in the end. It's lovely being connected to someone in that deep personal way, but even just lying connected afterward is a great feeling. I like a man to stay until he becomes too soft and slips out. I love that connection. It's gorgeous.

      Aloha Meg :-)