EXCITABLE ME - says NO to prejudice!!!

Aloha everyone!

I thought it was time to embrace my inner French Poodle. Someone called me something today which hurt me. And I realized I’d been called that in various forms over the years, often the tone is condescending. I’ve been called ‘excitable.’ I’ve been likened to ‘one of those yappy excitable French Poodles.’ Yeah, didn’t exactly grab me as a compliment at the time either, given the tone and context.

I decided to go and poke around in it today as it really made me cry. I shouldn’t have let it hurt me, but it did. Someone I like, basically rubber stamping me with ‘that’ label. It makes me feel like an idiot and stupid. And not very likable.

I always feel like I have to ‘calm down,’ run my emotional register at a quarter speed for other people’s sensibilities. And you know what? I’m sick of it. I’m done. I don’t want to do that anymore. If you don’t like me being excitable or enthusiastic, passionate, outraged, deeply caring, incensed, angry, wildly happy for you, et cetera – then there’s the door. Don’t let it hit you on the way out.

Some facts about the French Poodle:

They have very affectionate natures.

I love deeply, badly, madly, gladly. I love on a deep soul searing level that’s given me some incredible connections over the years. When people say things like: Men don’t do that, men don’t feel that, Men don’t… That’s just a fairy tale type of relationship. Nobody calls their lover sweet names all the time. No one touches deeply all the time. Men don’t express themselves deeply or well. They don’t cry… Well… they do. I’ve been there, I write about what I’ve done. I write about the men I love and which sometimes other people view as fairytalish and not real. They’re real, you just have to believe in the magic.

I don’t do mediocre. I don’t do ‘normal.’ TM. Or boring. I don’t do ordinary. I love with a blazing passion. I’m affectionate and kind. I care. I love to the depths of my soul. I cry. I feel deeply. I get angry. So… sue me.

French poodles have big brains.

Because I am exuberant, people mistake me for a ‘ditzy blitzy.’ Do you know how many times people have said to me over my life time, “You know, you’re really quite intelligent.” I used to take this as a compliment, now I raise my eyebrows at them and think, “Just worked that out, have you? Hmmm?” Apparently you can’t be all sorts of things. If you’re intelligent, you have to be quieter, staider, more ‘regal’ or something. You can’t be ‘excitable’ or noisy or wildly passionate. Although you can be intense, but only in a ‘quiet’ way. So I am neither accepted by the academic crowd nor the other crowd. I don’t fit anywhere and sometimes I’d like to. It can get a bit lonely. I enjoy intelligent deep conversations with people. Don’t write me off because I have red hair, a big smile and an exuberant nature.

Despite appearances, I am a candidate for Mensa with an IQ at 132.

Sometimes I don’t seem that tied down. Or I forget things. I miss out words. I get words or meanings around the wrong way. I get ‘excitable.’

Despite appearances, I’m slightly dyslexic. My brain often runs faster than the rest of me and things get jumbled.

Poodles are loving, outgoing, intelligent dogs who are always up for an adventure, but they love snuggle time, too. 

And really… that does describe me.

I am really loving, outgoing (although a strong introvert), intelligent. I love adventures. Boredom is one of my greatest enemies. I love to snuggle and cuddle up with someone. So maybe I’m not all bad. I’m just different. Complex and unusual.

And that is often not very accepted in this world where ‘sameyness’ has taken on new levels of ‘goodness.’ And god forbid, that any of us should not follow the norm. Be it that we’re ‘excitable’ or live in a tepee or are gay or black or any other thing that everyone has issues with. And these past few weeks we have seen the wonderful avalanche of gay marriage becoming legal across the the States. It's wonderful. :-) I shout YES!!! every time a new state goes up on the map. :-) 

I mourn the eccentrics of old, the mad, wonderful people who are my heroes. Who just didn’t conform and saw the world in a completely different way. Andrew Newton confirms what Weeks research discovered that: eccentrics are self-opinionated, intelligent, questioning, non-conforming, outspoken, and have a tendency to become obsessed with one or more hobby-horses. They sound wonderful to me.

A couple of fun eccentrics:

As an adult, Berners became a relatively good composer and writer – and an extremely eccentric man. He had the pigeons at his stately home dyed in a variety of colors and he kept a pet giraffe with which he would have afternoon tea regularly. His chauffeur had to fit his Rolls Royce out with a harpsichord so Berners could play music whilst being driven around the countryside. He left his estate to his much younger companion, the equally eccentric Robert Heber-Percy.

Oscar Wilde is undoubtedly the most famous member of this list – and for good reason. During a time of moral conservatism, Wilde managed to survive his youth decked out in flamboyant clothing exuding eccentricity, because of his stunning wit – the true cause of his celebrity. While studying at Oxford University, Oscar would walk through the streets with a lobster on a leash. His room was decorated with bright blue china, sunflowers, and peacock feathers. He was the direct opposite of what Victorian England expected a man to be and he flaunted it for all he was worth. Unfortunately an affair with Lord Alfred Douglas brought an end to a brilliant career when Wilde was jailed for sodomy.

Which brings me to something I wanted to highlight today as well, thanks to the writer, Cody Kennedy who invited us into this story. And again, it’s about appearances and judgments that are made on the outside. Late last night, I read a heartwarming and heart breaking story about a young man called Timmy Ashton whose story is now being told—thank goodness. He tells it himself and he’s emotionally intelligent, bright, interesting, kind, caring. He has a lovely sweetness and genuine quality to him.

He’s also gay, has a speech impediment and been horrifically bullied in his life.

He’s 13 this weekend and it’s the first time he’s ever celebrated his birthday. Or had anyone celebrate it. He also has a new family who love and care for him very much.  

Thank God. Because even writing that, brings tears to my eyes.     

http://ckennedyauthor.blogspot.com/2014/08/bus-ride-by-timmy.html

This story of Timmy Ashton’s is the story I read that touched me so deeply, that when I woke up today, I was still thinking about it. Please read it, be aware, have a voice, say no to bullying, racism, sexism, homophobia and any prejudice.

Three times this week, I’ve been ‘told off’ for standing up for things. For saying, I hate this. For saying out loud, it’s wrong. Or this pisses me off or makes me angry. For saying, NO, to racism, sexism, homophobia.

God, I love this man... :-) 

Do I really think it’s okay for anyone to say, ‘Why don’t all the blacks go back to Africa? The Jews to Israel. And the Hispanics to Mexico?’ No. I do not. I reported someone on GR’s for this comment. I was so angry. GR’s actually took it down, which surprised me. How the hell will anyone know that the whole world does not think in that tiny minute little mindset of prejudice if we don’t say anything? If we keep quiet and ‘just go about our business.’ How will people know it’s not acceptable? Often people don’t find something okay, but are too afraid to say anything. The loudest voice in a group is taken as the voice of everyone. And yet, it often isn’t. We need to say no more often.  

Rosa Parks said no on a Montgomery bus in 1955.

55 odd years later, in 2008, Morgan Freeman paid for and organized the FIRST ever INTEGRATED Prom in his hometown of Charleston, MS. And was it welcomed with open arms? No, it wasn’t. In this day and age, there were still people who weren’t happy about it which I find shameful. But it did happen... 

http://www.promnightinmississippi.com/the-film 

1954 

The U.S. Supreme Court orders the integration of all segregated schools in America, including all their events.

The U.S. Supreme Court orders the integration of all segregated schools in America, including all their events.

1970 

The town of Charleston, Mississippi, finally allows black students into their one high school. White parents refuse to integrate the school Graduation Dance, starting a tradition of separate, parent-organized White Proms and Black Proms.

The town of Charleston, Mississippi, finally allows black students into their one high school. White parents refuse to integrate the school Graduation Dance, starting a tradition of separate, parent-organized White Proms and Black Proms.

2008 

Change happens.

Change happens.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. died on April 4^th 1968. He was assassinated at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, TN, the city of Morgan Freeman’s birth. I was born 5 years earlier on April 4^th 1963.

These people are ALL my heroes because they said no. They stood up for what they believed in. They didn’t take bullying or public opinion as the status quo. They spoke out. They did something.

Were they unexcitable people? I don’t think so.

As a nice way to say Happy Birthday to Timmy, who is an inspiration to me and many others, go and support the rise-against-bullying in some way—the, You Will Rise Project. They have some really neat stuff you can buy to support this. http://society6.com/youwillriseproject/rise-against-bullying-by-lili#1=45

And to make my day, I just received an email saying that Cody loved me ‘singing’ to Timmy for his birthday on fb. J Thanks Cody and Timmy!!! You made my day. Excitable Me – says YES!!!

H K Carlton - Terrific interview with multi-published hot romance author!

Aloha H K! Thanks so much for being over here on my blog, my fellow Muse author, H. K. Carlton!  She is a multi-published Canadian writer of romance, in contemporary, paranormal, family saga and erotica. From time travel to historicals, she'll never pick just one genre to write in, there are too many possibilities and variety is creativities playground!  

Tell our readers a wee bit about yourself. What are 5 things you wished you’d done, have done or are still to do, on the Bucket List? J

1.  I would love to go to Scotland.

2.  Tour England with my mum and see where she grew up and visit the places she’s always talked about.

3.  I wish I’d gone to college or university before I’d ‘settled’ down. Ha! There’s still time, right?

4.  CHECK this ONE off the list! :D Have a book published!

5. And on the ‘out of the realm of possibility bucket list’, one of those dreams that you wish ( with your heart ) would come true, but know ( in your mind ) will never happen—I would love to see my Always Cambridge Series, as a movie. :p But I wonder if this is a common desire of all authors after we’ve fulfilled the publishing goal.:-) (Meg: I think so. :-) Well, it is for me anyway. LOL)

Tell us about the genre you write, why do you love it and how did you get into it?

I write romance but several different sub-genres of it. Historical romance, contemporary, erotic, paranormal, and romantic suspense. Originally, I thought I was going to pen strictly historical but the very first manuscript that was accepted by a publisher was an erotic story. And I found I really enjoy writing in that genre. (but now even my tame stuff has a smutty edge to it). I also like the variety of writing other things. And when a story comes to me, I go with it and worry about what genre it might fit into later.

What’s your most favorite restaurant in the world? Where, why and the best dish/es they make?

A pizza joint from my beloved hometown. Sometimes my mum will bring me one of their extra large ‘specials’ for a treat when she comes up for a visit and often for my birthday. Love my Mum! :D They also make a chicken cacciatore and manicotti to die for.

This is not from the place that H K's mum brings it from, but I thought it looked yummy anyway. :-) 

Remember those ads for Expedia (if not, just play along) that asked, ‘If you could go anywhere in the world, but have to go right now?’ Where would you have gone and would you have said to YES to right now? What pulls and entices you to that country?

Scotland. I have always wanted to visit. I am an enormous Scottish historical romance reader. Well, I used to be when I had time to read and this is also probably why I thought that it would be my genre. My mum is British as I mentioned and my father’s grandfather was from Scotland. I have always been enamoured with the UK. I want me a Highlander. I should have put him on the Bucket List, Meg! :-) (Meg: Yes, you should have. :-) If you don't ask, you don't get.) Although, my husband might have a problem with this. Or maybe he wouldn’t. LOL

What parts of you, are incorporated into your characters?

It depends. Sometimes there is nothing of me in the story. And in other instances there is a ton. In my first two novels I incorporated quite a few of my own insecurities and personality into the heroines. And there is a lot of me in Holly Cambridge from my Always Cambridge Series. Quirks, I guess. Although her life itself is beyond anything I could ever imagine. But lately, the characters I’ve been writing are just characters with no real attachment. Perhaps I am finally learning how to separate. I also tend to throw in a UK curve in most of my stories too. Not all, but most. LOL

Favorite male hero/public figure you admire in the world, dead or alive, and why?

I found the next two questions, tough, Meg. Geez! At the moment, I would have to say Robin Williams is the person I admire. He was such a talent even while battling his demons. He was an incredibly generous man not only as an actor but also as a human being. He entertained us and taught us by example. I was also touched by how the entire world seemed to be moved by his passing. He will be missed and I hope in some way, he is aware what an impact he had on so many people. Including me.

Favorite female heroine/public figure you admire in the world, dead or alive, and why?

I found this one the toughest and this is probably going to sound cliché and predictable but Charlotte Bronte. One of my all time favourite books is Jane Eyre. I wouldn’t mind meeting Karen Marie Moning either. I love her books. (Wow... no, we haven't had anyone say Charlotte Bronte yet. So thanks :-) Someone new!)

Have you ever had a character just “do their own thing?” Have you ever had an argument with one of your characters? Or anything else odd happen?

I’ve had several of my characters take over. Gard Marschand from historical romance The Devil Take You was the first. I wanted to write something different for a historical romance. The original idea was for the ‘hero’ to be anything but. And Gard fit the bill. He’s just a bad guy. The ultimate anti-hero. Gard ran the show, from beginning to end. 

But more recently, Victor Mayhue, the mob boss’ son from my Always Cambridge series, and I had quite the battle. Originally the Always Cambridge story was meant to be a stand alone. But every time I tried to give the original hero and heroine their happily-ever-after, there was the very charming and drop-dead gorgeous, Victor, insisting that the story wasn’t finished yet. He was right and thankfully badgered me into a six book series. Actually the entire series ‘did it’s own thing’.  As I was writing, sometimes even I was surprised by the twists and turns the story took.

What’s your passion in life?

My kids and my writing.

What’s your writer’s routine? Do you write whenever or at certain times? Are you a pantser or plotter? Where do you like to write?

I like to write in bed with the laptop. I write when time allows or when the creativeness is flowing and have been known to pull all-nighters. I usually just let the characters and the story have their way with things. Often when the original idea begins, I don’t have a beginning, middle and end. The act of writing is what gives me the direction. And I just go with it. Of course, often I have to go back and add some fillers to pull everything together, but it works for me. (Meg: I write exactly the same way you do, down to my laptop in bed. LOL) 

If you could pick a past life, what time period would appeal to you and why? Would you be male or female? Rich or poor?

I guess medieval times would appeal. I know you’re all shocked by that. Although, I do like my modern comforts, like you know, running water, plumbing and deodorant. LOL I guess I’d want to be rich. Money tends to be a worry in any time, doesn’t it. Male or female, hmmm… I think I would want to be female. With a big strapping Highlander as my mate. J

What new things are you working on or have coming up?

I’m working on several things, but mainly an erotic romance mystery set in the 1950’s. I also have a contemporary erotic romance piece in for submission and am waiting to hear on that one. I’ve also got a paranormal erotic series coming out in the winter/spring/summer 2014/15 with MuseItUp Publishing for the Wild Darkness Calls themed stories. It is a series of short stories entitled Lustful Possession. A total of seven in all, the first is Meet Me in the Dark. 

It started out as just one story and snowballed. I’m also toiling with some ideas for another set of Always Cambridge books. Thanks to the readers, who seem to want a spin-off of the original saga. It might take me some time though, I am a bit Cambridged out after the six books in six month release schedule from that series. But it feels really good to have one of my stories so well received.

Thanks for having me, Meg. Aloha!

Meg: Aloha and mahalo to you H K!!! Thanks so much for being here and giving fun answers. :-) It's been excellent! Aloha Meg :-) 

CONTACT H K

Blog: Pick a Genre Already

Twitter

Facebook or H K FB ‘like’ page

Always Cambridge FB Page

Goodreads

Amazon Canada, US, UK

Google +

Publishers

Totally Bound

eXtasy Books

MuseItUp

AMAZON

Within this frame, his curse is time…

Hannah Keys thinks she’s setting off on the trip of her dreams, but after one mishap after another—beginning with her best friend abandoning her in the airport and ending with the man of her dreams dead—she’s renaming it the vacation from hell.

When Hannah Keys discovers a four-hundred-year-old portrait in Wales, she is intrigued and somewhat saddened by the handsome Highlander portrayed by the artist’s masterful, lifelike strokes. But when she runs into the majorly hunky model for the painting—in the flesh, in the middle of the night—she learns first-hand all about masterful strokes when she shares a night of medieval passion with him.

Lockhart Munro has been cursed inside the portrait until he meets Hannah Keys. For four hundred years, no one has heard him or seen him, let alone touched him. The one woman who can do all these things may be the key to his long-awaited freedom.

But if Hannah sets Lockhart free from his prison, will she be cursed to spend the rest of her lifetime without him?

Or perhaps freeing Lockhart will be just the beginning…

DOES MY PENIS LOOK BIG IN THESE JEANS? Conversations with Spencer!!!

DOES MY PENIS LOOK BIG IN THESE JEANS?

Aloha everyone! Today we thought we’d tackle a tough package and let’s hope we don’t get eaten for lunch over it. Do we have the balls or the er equipment to um…tackle this subject.

Yeah… I think I’m out of silly juvenile penis innuendoes now… 

Does size matter? Who lies about penis size? The women? The men? This is what we’re chatting about today on Conversations with Spencer.

One of our erotic writer friends said he DID lie about his penis size on line, thinking he’d NEVER meet the lady in question. Well, he did and she forgave him and married him.

PENIS FACTS 1. Only 6 percent of the male population needs extra-large rubbers, according to condom manufacturers. In other words, 94 percent of men lie.

So, how important is it in the grand scheme of things? Who cares more? Who lies more?

When a man says, “Is my penis big enough?” What woman is game enough to say, “Well, now that you mention it…”

Or do we all lie to save male ego, not hurt someone’s feelings, be nice? Or do we care as much as they think we do?

And what do we think about men who ask this question?

Who’s more obsessed with penis size – men or women?

PENIS FACTS 2. Eight-five percent of women are satisfied with the penis size of their partners, although only 55% of guys like their size. About 90% of women prefer a wide penis to a long one.ⁱ

We had one of our writers once say, I bet it was the large penis you all noticed in that written piece. But it wasn’t for the women. It was the kindness or humanness or humor of the man.

Do we really not mind? Well… I’m obviously the female part of this chat today and I’m ooooh… going to have to be honest. Ouch.

Do I want someone who’s a foot long? No! My toyboy said he damaged someone’s cervix and she ended up at the emergency room? OMGiddy Aunt! It is uncomfortable if someone is too long.

But… I do like looking at big penises. Yes I do. They’re just so lovely. Well, actually, MOST penises are lovely to look at for me. I really like male genitalia. It’s very exciting, very sexy. You get a soft flaccid penis that transforms into a rock hard velvety exterior upright cock. It fascinates me. I love watching and feeling the process from soft to hard. I have to admit, there’s a wee bit of penis envy in there for me. J

SPENCER:

Guys this is not an invitation to send a picture of your junk. We have standards of proper demeanor here.

Meg:

Yes, and I only like shots with pubic hair. Plus, if I want to look at that, I’ll go and seek it out myself. And really…here’s another question. Why do guys DO that stuff? Why do guys think sending pictures of their penises will win them a date? My instant reaction is “euuwww, creepy.” I want to know what makes those guys tick that think that’s a really cool thing to do? Do they ACTUALLY think they’ll get a date? Are they socially inept? Are they mentally deranged? Arrogant? What? I do wonder.

I remember years ago, working with a guy who said a friend of his used to hit on this woman all the time, who wouldn’t go out with him (and you’ll see why her instincts were DEAD on in a moment.) So, one day, while she was working in the library, he unzipped his fly and flopped his penis out on the desk. Without missing a beat, she looked up, looked at it and said, “Oh…it looks like a penis, only much smaller.” Then went back to work. YES!!!

I HATE those guys that did things like that back then and do things like that now. And I want to know WHY some men would do that stuff? Okay, but back to our main broadcast! And the men I DO like and love.

PENIS FACTS 3 During the Middle ages, men walked around in a codpiece, an often brightly colored covering for the penis in men’s breaches. It was padded and molded in the shape of a permanent erection. King Henry VIII had the largest codpiece in England.

And just as an aside when Spencer and I were discussing this. I had commented on the fact that it seems men have a much easier time getting hard, being turned on, staying turned on and orgasming. And it’s just so fun!!

SPENCER:

Young men. But its still fun for old guys.

Meg:

I don’t think our bits are particularly fun, but I suspect there’s quite a few men that would disagree with that statement.

SPENCER:

That would be me, for one.

Meg:

So, back to the main topic. One question at a time. What DO I say when a man says, “Is my penis big enough?”

Would I say, “Well, I’m glad you asked Bob, because really, your penis is not up to scratch. It’s not long enough, thick enough, not crazy on the color and please…please…I beg you. Grow some pubic hair!!!”

No. I would not say those things. I might say, ‘You know… I LOVE pubic hair.” But saying to someone, I don’t like your penis, is like saying to someone, actually your nose is just too big. And how does that work? We like big penises but not big noses?

So, why do men ask this question?

SPENCER:

The flip side of penis envy is penis insecurity.

I want everyone reading this who has an iPhone to punch up the robot assistant Siri and ask about penis size. She told me the average size of an erect male penis is 15.5 centimeters. Well, damn woman, how long is that? I'm an American. Six inches.

Woot woot! I'm above average for once in my life!

There is so much to probe here from the silly to the profound. Would I trade my above average tool for an above average IQ? I'm not smart enough to know. (rim shot)

MEG:

PENIS FACTS 4 The world’s largest penis

The largest penis ever to be medically verified was 13.5 inches long and 6.25 inches in circumference. Just to put that in perspective, the average vagina is three to four inches deep.

And wouldn’t that be so inconvenient! I once had someone on in a story about the penis of the hero being big enough to barely get their hand around. I said, how big is this penis? Crikey dick! Reality in writing please folks. J But perhaps the hero was this man’s brother.

SPENCER:

It's best I begin with confession. I never sat around in the locker room comparing erections with the guys. I don't know if guys even do that. A straight, vanilla guy like me, from a sexually repressed background has very little occasion to see other men erect anywhere aside from porn films.

My first wife and I were virgins when we met, having had no previous sexual experience. I had no idea about my size. The topic never came up. We eventually divorced. When I started dating again, I was surprised that women partners described me as big. I thought, “what a perfect lie to tell a man to boost his ego. How is he going to know?” Of course I was flattered, but too repressed to ask the hundred or so follow-up questions.

MEG:

Well, I’m quite keen to know what the hundred or so follow-up questions would have been. We women would love to know what men would love to ask? Do tell Spencer? J

SPENCER:

I think it would be; really? really? You’re not fooling really? How much bigger? What does bigger feel like? And so? Wow I'm really bigger? How was that for you? Did I get it right? And on and on with all my male insecurities.

MEG: 

Ah, so see, this is why men ask that question. They’re not really saying, Does my penis look fabulous? They’re saying, am I okay? Did I do it right? Am I enough for you? This makes more sense to me now? It’s not an ego question they’re asking. It’s a confidence question. Am I okay? The same thing we all want to know at the end of the day.

SPENCER:

More confession. It was a nice ego boost. I'm not sure how well I would have handled the disappointment card a second time around. My ex-wife played the disappointment card with all the skill of a Las Vegas Black Jack dealer.

I've been married now to the same woman for 25 years. She tells me how good I am. It still matters. Now I've reached that time in life when sexual performance is on the decline-rapidly—not for lack of interest—just biology.

Meanwhile, or not surprisingly the phenomenon of erectile dysfunction and its twin brother, male enhancement have broken through to main stream advertising. Viagra has been showing progressively younger men in its commercials. (They started with Bob Dole). But a true sign that the end of civilization is near, even the bastion of maleness, "Monday Night Football" has been invaded. Football advertising is mostly trucks and beer. Beer fantasy is the greatest. Imagine a long legged, big breasted, narrow hipped woman is going to love me for the beer I drink. (MEG: lol… snorting with laughter. Now, you put it like that… yes? It does make you wonder. J) 

Now that friend’s is unabashed false advertising, but we slurp it up. The breach happened last Monday. Now a sultry, young gal with a smoky British accent, played with her hair while telling me its okay for me to go get the blue pill. I bet it was lines around the block for every physician in the land.

Once again I think as writers of erotica we have an opportunity to change the chorus. What is more common in erotica than the MC with big junk? It's time to celebrate the little guy. I have had female characters with small breasts ("The Substitute" coming soon from Breathless Press). Part of the character arc of Britta Sorensen involves her small breasts—they symbolize what she feels is wrong with her life. My male MC tells her and shows her how erotic small breasts are.

Small is the new big. Who's up for that? (pun intended)

So ladies, there’s a time and place for truth and mercy, sometimes they are at odds. When a woman says, “does this make me look fat?” A wise man comes to see it is a loaded question, and the answer weighs heavily on his future. If a man asks you if you think he's big, mercy is a far more blessed quality than truth. Tell the lie. He won't know. Or you can always say, “You’re the biggest I've ever had.” Throw in a longing sigh and he'll hand you the charge card.

MEG:

Okay, here’s something I find interesting reading this. You think we should well… stretch a truth slightly? Okay, I understand that. No one wants to hurt someone’s feelings. But do some men think that we’re after their ‘charge-card?’ Why?

PENIS FACTS 6. There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size or nose size. And the bad news is even worse for gold-digging nymphos: There's no correlation between penis size and wallet size.

SPENCER:

The charge card thing is only a joke. All I'm saying is that men are terribly insecure about their ability to satisfy a woman. As far as stretching the truth, men are as insecure as women. "Does this make me look fat" is about a lot of body image issues that men are supposed to have answers for. We don't have good answers but we should. But really we can't. My wife is a curvy woman. I love her body. She had been programmed to hate it. I can't bring enough to overcome the women's' chorus. It breaks my heart at times.

Men are just as insecure. We long to hear that whatever we have satisfies our partner. So tell you man he satisfies you—if he does—if he doesn't help him to do it better. You want him to see you with the eyes of love. Why not return the favor and see him as the man he wants to be?

MEG:

This conversation has been interesting for me in that I realize how insecure men are. I always thought that question was a slight mark of arrogance, but I’m realizing it’s not. I’m not even sure why I thought that. Is that the same reason jerks send penis pics? Do they think it’s the only way a woman might consider going out with them? I have the personality of a bullfrog, face of a martian and my POS car is nothing to write home about either… However…I can offer you this!!! Ta Da!!! The penis extraordinaire!!

SPENCER:

Unfortunately but maybe not surprisingly phallus phasination goes back to the dawn of mankind. I remember seeing a documentary about a tribe living somewhere in the South Pacific that had very little contact with Westerners. The guys wore hollowed out roots over their penis, apparently the larger your root the more status you had. So I ask you, what's changed? The Asian's are going to put tigers elephants and rhinoceros into extinction trying to get elixir’s for male enhancement.

Vanuatu tribesmen

God, Mother Nature or Darwin also had a hand on this. I believe that homo sapiens have a larger penis related to body size than any of the great apes. In my unpublished micro-fiction work, "Garden Makeover," Adam and Lilith are having lots of troubles. Among other things Lilith is not satisfied sexually. Adam can't get her to do anything. God finally agrees to a do-over. He puts Adam to sleep to create Eve, but also improves his package. Lilith finds Adam and Eve together and stomps out of the garden in a rage.

We mock women for their insecurity, but we men are just as bad. I wonder how much money is spent each year on male enhancement?

MEG:

And the above story of Adam and Eve and Lilith illustrates the point. Men often think that size is a requirement for making someone a good lover or that it will be more attractive to a woman. Both of those things are completely false. It’s what you do with it, not the size or shape that counts. What’s that saying, “A man is only as good as the tools he uses.” Or something like that. I’ve come across a few guys with big penises and they were crap lovers. They almost seemed to be of the opinion that they had a big penis, so nothing else was required. If you don’t know what you’re doing with other things like your hands, fingers, mouth and tongue, who cares what your penis does?

I think it comes down to the fact that a larger percentage of women DON’T orgasm through penetration sex. Does this make a man feel ‘less than’ because his penis isn’t really the object of direct arousal per se? Lucee Lovett has just written a story about a guy and his wife who are having a hard time sexually. The guys convinced all along it’s because his penis isn’t big enough. But it nothing to do with that. It’s because he’s useless in bed. He’s never brought his wife to orgasm manually. He gets to where he needs to be and has been convinced his penis will be the sole source of her joy. Sorry…not the case.

Yes, god forbid we’d have to do without them, and it’s not to say that making love with someone deep inside you isn’t gorgeous…but…and…it’s not usually our sole source of orgasm.

SPENCER:

Again and performance are a whole related issue that really accelerates a man's insecurity. You deal with it so well with your character Henry, although he has a faster recovery time than a typical 68 yr old, he offers us old guys hope.

MEG:

J On Henry. Thanks. Well, remember too, that Henry is into progressive medicine, so he’s healthier generally than your average 68 year old. He does use natural testosterone cream on his skin every day to replace what’s missing. So that does help him…and…the author has taken a wee bit of liberty. But not overly so. I wanted it to be as realistic as possible. Often Henry can’t have sex, because he’s simply out. I did research this because I didn’t want it coming off as ridiculous. I really did find one doc who said he had a 98 year old patient who still had regular sex. I thought that was wonderful!!!

But getting back to the performance thing as well. I’ve noticed sometimes that men seem to think they need ‘stamina’ or to go for a long time. I’m not sure that’s across the board. What says you Spencer? I personally get bored if it goes on for too long. I don't want to be mentally doing my grocery list because wonder lover thinks he’s got to out-beat his last record of 24.25 minutes.

I'm noticing what women want, and men THINK we want aren't really matched up.

Yes, a big penis is lovely to look at, but sometimes in reality, not all that comfortable. Thickness is often nicer than length. And I personally love big balls, the often neglected part of male genitalia. They’re just so sexy!

Do men concentrate on ball size? Do they worry men the same way that penis size does? These are the things I wonder about?

BALLS FACTS 1 The big-balled cheater

“Testicular research of a more sociological kind has deduced that men with large testicles are likely to be more unfaithful, the converse being true of men with small testicles,” says Hickman. Thus, he advises, with tongue firmly planted in cheek: “A woman” — or man, I would add — “seeking a reliable long-term partner might be advised to invest in an orchidometer,” a medical instrument designed for measuring balls.

Which does not bode well for me, because I have a real thing for big balls… So…I wonder how good that research really is. Do I need to go online and order an orchidometer? Or should I just go by feel or the ‘eyecometer.’

Getting back to performance. Yes, I don’t want someone to come in two seconds flat, but I also don’t want the marathon sex session where I’m a) sore b) dry and c) doing my grocery list.

I’m more concerned with what someone DOES with their hands, mouth and penis than just the penis alone in sex. I grew up in the generations of men who didn’t think a woman’s orgasm was necessary or even knew what it was. I’m probably less tolerant of men who are obsessed over THEIR size and THEIR ego needs in bed. And because I just have to know these things:

BALL FACTS 2 Blue balls are real. Prostatic congestion is the medical term for it – when the testicles and prostate are filled with too much goo and you can't get relief. Fortunately, instead of doing something irrational, a man could simply take an aspirin, a warm shower, or think about grandma having sex with grandpa.

PENIS FACTS 7 every year, Kawasaki, Japan holds a penis festival called the Kanamara Matsuri. This Shinto fertility festival includes a giant 2.5 meter wooden penis carried by locals, phallus-shaped tokens, and suggestively carved vegetables. 

So, in conclusion, what do we think? Well, it's insecurity on the part of all humans. A very human condition to ask the questions we do. We're not so much asking, aren't I fabulous, look at me. We're asking, am I okay, do you still love me, am I acceptable to you?

And here's a sexy penis shot, one of my favorites. It also brings us to our next topic we'd thought we'd talk about. I've noticed that a lot of us women and gay men are putting up sexy piccies of nude men. Is this the equivalent of the old 'girlie' magazine pinup spreads on guys bedroom walls in the 70's and 80's when I came of age? And we HATED them. Is this the equivalent though? Sexism reversed? We're wondering. 

Stayed tuned for our next Conversations with Spencer with Meg Amor and Spencer Dryden - sensual and erotic romance writers. The men and women's thoughts on love, sex and relationships. Aloha for now and thanks as always to the great readers!!! We love you. 

MEG AMOR: 

www.troikaromance.com

SPENCER DRYDEN: 

http://www.fictionbyspencer.com/home.html