Wednesday, December 31, 2014

ATTRACTION ~ What's sexy? What's not? What sex's us up?

ATTRACTION ~ Deck the halls with balls of…

 What’s sexy? What’s not?
Do lingerie, food, smells, genitalia or ‘enhancements’ 
sex us up?

Aloha everyone! Thanks to all you readers on our blogs. I hope everyone had a Chirpy Christmas /Hanukah/Kwanzaa/Solstice and any other holiday thing you might have had.

Today on Conversations with Spencer, we’re talking about attraction. What is that thing that instantly grabs our attention in a person? Is it their crotch, lips, hair, abs, breasts, smile, personality, attributes, bank account…? Do things like sexy lingerie turn us on? Do bee stung, Botox lips do anything for us? What do men think of breast enhancements? And is any kind of food really an aphrodisiac? What smells arouse you?

What makes a person sexy?


I’ve been pondering this question after having a late night discussion with one of my toyboys. He likes my ass and breasts. He thinks my bum is ample and lovely to grab—apparently. I like my backside, I’ve always liked its roundness and that it’s not small. Yes, I know…I’m weird. I’ll never say, “Does my bum look too big?” My boobs aren’t anything to write home about, but apparently they do the job. My late husband was a breast man. My ex-boyfriend Kahiko was a leg man.

Is this the primary attraction ‘code’ for men?

I once asked this dopey guy why he married his wife. He said, “Because she was pretty.” I thought, you’re an idiot.

I was at a dance club once with my friend Lu and she had a sexy smoochie dance with a guy who rushed off the dance floor. We later wondered if he’d gone to relieve himself… But anyway, she thought she spotted him the next day as we were walking the streets of Maui. But she wasn’t sure. Why? She couldn’t remember his face, only his body?

I was a wee bit nonplussed by this. I’d never struck that in a woman before. So, is this cultural? Or gender differences. Sometimes I couldn’t tell you what someone’s body looked like, but I’ll remember their face. I might get that they were tall, the color of their hair.

I’m attracted firstly to someone’s eyes. If the eyes don’t do it for me, nothing else will. Then I like hair. The ‘number one’ stubble thing turns me off. I love a warm, twinkly smile, an open friendly, intelligent, funny personality as well. Someone can be gorgeous, but if their personality is a dud, it’s a no go.  

I’ve often attracted to people for personality and intelligence, alone. 

Gentleness of spirit, fun, quirky traits, a caring attitude, a sharp brain…

So Spencer, what first grabs you about someone?

And what second grabs you about someone?


I am a guy and like most guys I tend toward the visual. I have noticed a change in what draws me now. As a young man it was the full body scan. I've always liked the curvy gals. 

Now I am at the age where I see an attractive woman then have to slap myself with the realization that she may be thirty years younger than me and still be a 'mature' woman. Unless you’re Morgan Freeman or Sean Connery, women stop 'seeing' you. It's rare now for a woman to visually engage me. I'm rarely in public places like bars where I used to go to find women or at least engage in some fantasy. It's just chance encounters in the main stream of life.

Now it's eyes and face. I look for the magic, the zest for life that might appear for only a moment that I find attractive. Often it's a woman's tender gaze on her child rather than the distant detached look of a fashion model.

Second of course is the figure. I'm a tummy guy (Meg: this is cool, I didn’t know men could be tummy guys. J ) but here in the frozen tundra we don't see much of that six months out of the year. In fact at this time of year we are so bundled it's hard to make out shape. The fish hooks and piercings anywhere but ears are a major turn off. I guess that's generational. "Bee stung lips", LOL, they are ugly, ugly, ugly.

Was Mick Jagger our original prototype for the bee stung lip trend. :-)


Okay, I suspect I’m slightly odd in the world of women and also culturally Kiwis aren’t brought up with ‘the body beautiful.’ So I don’t go for muscles on a man. I’m looking for sexiness and sensuality, but eyes, smile, hair, nice face will do that for me. I agree we have to have an initial attraction to someone, but what keeps us there?  

What do I notice physically? Though this in no way makes me go out with someone. It’s just a nice thing to have. I like long hands and fingers. I like nice feet. I love a nice bum on a man, broad shoulders and men’s backs. Little body hair, no facial hair—except on my man Morgan Freeman. He and Tom Sellack are the exceptions. But give me hair with waves or curls, long or/and thick. Hmmm hmmm. Earrings—love earrings. Can take or leave ink. That’s my list. Notice – penis and balls aren’t there. I love them, but they’re not an attraction thing for me.
The very beautiful Dayvid Thomas who is my muse for my new character Kulani Mahikoa in HAWAIIAN ORCHID,
part of The Hawaiian series. Gay romance, coming out next year :-) 

Turn offs: Number one haircuts. Ugh. No pubes. Ugh. Horrible shoes. Yes, I know, strange and weird prejudice, but I’ve spoken to other women and this is not as uncommon as you’d think. Head beanies! Baggy jeans. Baggy underwear. Those nasty American ‘shorts’ and boxers like shorts. Also New Zealand Y-front underwear and singlets. Ugh. Mismatched socks and men who leave them on having sex??! NO!

Personally, once we get down to it, I love men in form fitting underwear, with a nice outline of their penis and balls. Very sexy. So speaking of underwear Spencer? Do men generally like lingerie? I love wearing gorgeous lingerie. Corsets, stockings, lacey panties, sexy bras, baby dolls, plunging necklines, all do it for me. Do men really like this stuff? Or it is just extra clothing that hampers the main objective?

I know someone whose partner just liked them in plain cotton thongs and bra. He thought that was sexy. I've never gone out with a man that wears lacy panties. I'm trying to decide if I'd like that or not. I think I might, but I suspect he might not like women... oh well. :-)


Interesting how your tastes reflect that you are from a warm sunny climate. (Meg: He has to be talking about my American home state of Hawai’i. LOL. NZ is bloody cold, like Washington State, but not like the frozen north! I did two long…….winters in Michigan. Ugh.) Don't come here, you'll die of visual starvation. I'm sure you're not a big fan of American football but look at the difference in the dress of the fans and cheerleaders between sunbelt and frost belt.

I love the fancy lingerie. It's too bad they hang it on such young skinny girls at Victoria's Secret. Back in the 80's I loved the combination of the woman's power suit-the tight fitting skirt and matching jacket over the lacy blouse with the hints of the fancy lingerie underneath. Business on the outside, fun underneath. Meg Ryan and her big hair. Oh my.


Now I want to know where people are at with the ‘enhancement’ stuff. Or as Aaron and I used to call it – when someone’s had ‘dental work.’ In New Zealand, plastic surgery is still not an everyday thing. I know when I first came here to the States I couldn’t get over the bill boards advertising breast enhancements. It was so weird!!

I had a friend who had her chin and nose reshaped and breasts enlarged. I honestly couldn’t tell with her nose and chin. But her breasts were odd. She had a nice bust size, a respectable 34C and she went to a 36D or something. She looked peculiar. I always worried she’d topple over. She looked top-heavy for her frame.

Too much? 

Now Spencer jump in here, because you have opinions on breast size and it might surprise the women out there.

The classic LA Story, when Steve Martin is feeling Sarah Jessica Parkers breasts and he says, “SanDeE, your breasts feel weird.”

She says perkily, “Oh, that’s cos they’re real.”

What do men think of breast enhancement?

Or any ‘enhancement?’

I think plastic surgery is self-mutilation…

I also don’t like intersex children having their sexual identity imposed on them at a young age through surgery. This is a brilliant blogsite on intersex. Increase awareness please.

The one on intersex-genitalia-illustrated is very interesting.

And I think male circumcision is also mutilation…

I can’t fathom the Botox thing. I ran across a woman in Florida once who seemed to have had every ‘enhancement’ known to man/womankind. She looked like a caricature of herself. Like the overblown Jessica whatsie in Roger Rabbit. I didn’t think it was remotely sexy, but what do men think?
Spencer, I happen to know you love curvy women as most men do, but I’m assuming you want the natural curves and soft pillows on a woman.


Men love breasts of all sizes, the only ones we don't like are the ones that aren't shared willingly. Small breasts can be very sexy-back to Meg Ryan in 80's. Or my other Hollywood fantasy woman, Sigourney Weaver-also small breasted-and tall. However I could look at Eva Mendez all day, especially if she was just in some lingerie.

I have never felt enhanced breasts. I find them a little scary to look at. I think, what kind of woman is so insecure about her figure that she'll inject sand from some beach and risk all kinds of heath problems-for what? I don't think I could get comfortable with that kind of woman-she's too uncomfortable with herself.

Before and after piccies - improvement or not? 

And this is my issue with it too. That people feel so bad about themselves, that they feel they must have plastic surgery to look good?! I find that frightening. What frightens me too is when young girls get a boob job at say 18. Are you serious? And the casual way it seems to be handled. Oh, are you going to get pink or red cherry nail polish today? It’s seen often as a normal sort of thing. We’re bringing people up, especially women, to hate themselves unless they really do look like the plastic Barbie version. Not good.


The Botox thing is terrible. It looks so unnatural. Joan Rivers. I don't think she could even blink at the time of her death.

Too much 'dental work'?


Given it’s that time of the year and a recent discussion elsewhere. Is slathering ourselves with chocolate sauce sexy? Would some whipped cream and a cherry in a strategic place add to things, or would you die laughing? Have you ever found oysters or anything to add to sexual libido? I personally never have. Alcohol might loosen up my inhibitions a wee bit, but that’s probably the extent of it.

Once in Sex in the City, Samantha, lies on the dining room table naked, decorated with Sushi for her man’s homecoming dinner.

Do flavored condoms, edible underwear or anything else do it for you?

I like that tantric Kama Sutra powder and I LOVE good men’s perfumes. Smells arouse me. I love Bulgari Extreme. A lot of Bulgari products actually. Yummmmm. That’s arousing. I always wear Jessica McClintock original. Delicious. Can’t say balls dipped in choccie would do it for me. But to a tactile person, they might…


The erotic thing to me about gourmet sex is the surrender involved. The woman is saying, 'here I am, giving myself completely to you'-it's like human sacrifice of a sort-literally consuming her body.

Was this what you meant? :-) NO! :-) 

Better? :-)

I've never done it though. As I have said before, children kill intimacy. Sex after children is stolen moments, in the dark, under the covers, quietly. There isn't the time and space to make sex the celebration it should be. We never had the money to have get-away weekends.

Funny how that has been a struggle in my writing-not rushing sex scenes, learning to stay in the moment and linger over the details and the building desire-stuff you do so well. (Meg: Thanks Spencer. And that’s an interesting observation on how we write as individuals. Another male romance erotica writer I know also said, he tends to want to rush to the actual sex act parts of a story. It’s possibly the way we’re structured as male and female, but also interesting in that I don’t have human children and haven’t had to ever ‘make it quick.’)

I'm from the 60's. I still like the aroma of patchouli oil. It reminds me of the mythical hippie chick that poured out free love with Cream playing in the background. It's a memory that never came close to reality.

I've never used condoms. My sexually active years were in the 80's before AIDS. The women were all on the pill then. Someone should tell modern erotic writers that condoms are a highly unreliable means of birth control. (Meg: Me either Spencer on the condoms, but with my younger lovers, I’ve had to and it was a learning experience that I’m still not as comfortable with because I didn’t grow up with it. 

I think my generation was the last of the really ‘free’ generation. We drunk drove (Yes, horrendous now when you think about it,) did drugs freely (also not sure that’s a great thing) and had free uninhibited condom free and lots of it sex (Now, here I do think it was a good thing. In some ways we had less inhibitions and in others, we knew a lot less about sex than the younger sets do. But we were less moralistic too I think, especially in New Zealand. All the outrageous clothes and bands… We LIVED. My best friend Gail and I talk about some of the things we did and think, Crikey dick!!! But we had a LOT of fun!!! LOL. We’re the original Ab Fabbers. We always argued about who was going to be Pats, I haven’t eaten since 1972, darling…)

Ab Fab Darlings

New Zealand eighties band - SPLIT ENZ 

So in conclusion, we're sexy in lots of different ways. Don't assume everyone likes the same thing or that something you have is a turn off. It's probably not. I once researched about the amount of people who find underarm pit hair sexy and love the smell. See—something for everyone! :-)

Although in one survey, the number one passion killer for men is huge GRANNY panties, so you might want to reconsider those. And the number one passion killer for women is men who have undressed but still have their socks on. Then awkwardly take them off... See... I'm not the only one would hates socks and sex!! LOL. 

And a final snippet on why gay men often wear socks or shoes in porn and piccies. I asked the photographer Dan Skinner, also a great author and he said it's so dirty feet don't show in the shot. Aha! I guess if you are naked and moving around a lot, you might get grubby feet. I hadn't thought of that. LOL. 

Thanks again for coming to visit us and reading our ramblings. 
Happy New Year to everyone who celebrates Western New Year!!! 

Aloha from Meg Amor and Spencer Dryden

~ we both have new releases


~ LOVE ABOVE SEE LEVEL ~ Spencer Dryden

All on special for .99 cents. Grab them for a New Years read. Amazon links below

.99 cent special

A beautiful heartfelt, sensual erotic romance story—New Zealander, Daisy struggles with the death of her husband, her days become blurs of unreality. There doesn’t seem to be any light at the end and if there is one—it’s probably a train. 

Life has become slightly surreal. Nobody told her death would be like this. That she’d feel so exhausted some days, even brushing her teeth would seem like the ascent on Everest without oxygen. 

Her one bright spot is picking up a lotto ticket at the local store where the gorgeous Greek owner Nicky Constantine works. His dancing Aegean-blue eyes and jet black wavy hair are as attractive as his long fingers. She notices them every time. He’s flirty and fun—he’s probably nice to everyone. Good Greek Boy, she thinks in her sarkier moments. 

But one day, Nicky touches her hand and she’s transported into another time and era—she sees a flash of a heavy sheepskin flight jacket and peaked service cap. In her confusion, she leaves her cash card at the store. 

Unbeknown to Daisy, Nicky’s only flirty with her. He’s been watching her for months, concerned for this lovely, fragile woman. 

Finding her card, he takes up her challenge that men aren’t romantic anymore. He arrives at her door with an invitation to drive down to the river. 

He’s packed champagne and candles… 

Christmas is right around the corner...has Saint Nicholas come early this year?


AMAZON reviewer: I loved this book! So very different
 and also loads of fun while dealing with some very hard issues. 
I especially liked the non traditional heroine. .99 cents special

.99 cent special

On a freezing cold Christmas Eve, a broken furnace unites a lonely heating technician and his client who is forced out of her home. 

On a snowy, frigid Christmas Eve in Minnesota, a heating technician makes an emergency call to a townhome without heat. Don is unable to repair the unit and tells Becky, the occupant, she must vacate the premises and stay in a hotel for her own safety. Becky breaks down and tells Don she has no money and no place to go. She has no friends or family locally and has maxed out her credit cards relocating from San Diego. Don invites her to stay with him until the furnace can be replaced. 

Don is smitten by her good looks and warm, inviting manner. He begins to fantasize about a romantic connection, but is restrained by a crippling fear of his sexual inadequacy. Safe at his apartment, Becky turns up the heat on the shy divorcee. Can she melt his fears of intimacy and give him an unforgettable Christmas? 


  1. I believe Spencer may have hit upon it, but as men age we seem to be attracted to different things. My first real girlfriend was Asian and really petite. I liked skinny women with small butts, flat tummies and dark skin. Now I like women who are more curvy. Breast size isn't real important, but I do like nice, hard nipples. Older women also still do it for me. I'm 45 and often times find myself checking out women who are ten or fifteen years older than me. I once had a discussion with my older brother about strip clubs. He said he doesn't go to them anymore because his daughters are 23 and 25. I agree. While I talk a lot of shit and post photos on FB, I haven't been to a titty bar in at least ten years. However, that would probably change if they had clubs where women over 35 were featured. However, the only patrons would be me, my brother, and maybe Spencer :P.

    I think Meg mentioned tattoos. I LOVE them....on women. Think they look goofier then hell on men. Same with piercings. That said, I am not a fan of sleeves (even on women) or tats on the neck or face. Pubic hair, I could care less. I have been with women with big ol' seventies porn star bushes and those who were balder than the tires on my brother's old Gremlin. I had no preference and still don't. In Leslie's Dilemma, my MC had a big ol' bush, while her girlfriend was completely shaved.

    Funny you should mention Joan Rivers. Several years ago I heard her interviewed on Howard Stern and she said a stewardess was talking to her on the plane, then freaked out because she thought Mrs. Rivers was dead. As it turned out she was just sleeping but couldn't close her eyes because of the Botox.

    1. Aloha Daily,

      Thanks as always for reading and commenting. Your comments are always interesting. :-) I was interested to see your taste has changed over time, but not the older women. :-)

      I've always liked younger men, but have my eye on someone quite a bit older than me, I think I like energy and life in the end, rather than a specific age group.

      LOL on the tattoos on men. I don't like sleeves on women. And neck tats on anyone... The only face ink I can do is Maori in New Zealand who have traditional moku on their chin.

      LOL.. yes, Joan Rivers is quite frightening... eek.

      Thanks again Daily. I'm always interested to hear your observations.

      Aloha Meg :-)

  2. Thanks for your comments Daily. My next novella, "The Substitute" has younger man, older women. No girl on girl though.

  3. When I was young I was inevitably attracted to older men (much to my mother's horror). Now that I'm 51 I find men my own age mostly unattractive and have an eye for the younger ones. I like them medium-tall, well built and good looking. Tattoos are Ok and like Meg I prefer a man with smooth skin and no facial hair. Strangely though my late husband had a mustache from the day I met him and that was fine...he also had the most stunning bright blue eyes and a smile that melted my insides.

    Now, don't get me wrong...I'm not just about the looks. A man has to be able to have an intelligent conversation or I'm not interested. What comes out of a man's mouth is almost as important as what he can do with it.

    I don't recall ever playing with food...but I have a few hazy years so who knows?

    I love wearing sexy underwear, but sadly there is no-one around at the moment interested in looking at them so I confess that these days I mostly wear for comfort. Again like you Meg, I prefer a man to wear fitting underwear (and clean please!)...maybe it's a kiwi thing?

    Personally I like a little pubic grooming. Nothing less sexy than choking on a rogue pubic hair stuck down my throat...ugggh.

    1. Aloha Jacqui,

      Thanks for reading and commenting. Much appreciated! :-)

      LOL on your older men. I also liked older men when I was younger.. .but then I also liked them younger. When I was 20, I went out with someone who was 15. I think I like all sorts. :-) Your husband sounds like he was lovely.

      Yes on the internal intelligence!

      LOL on the hazy younger years. You and I are about the same age. I suspect we had a similar 'misspent' youth in NZ's late 70s and 80s. LOL. We LIVED!!! LOL.

      LOL on the underwear. Yes, must be a Kiwi thing. All those horrible nylon Y fronts that used to get bobbly... and baggy. NOT sexy! My friend Zak and I used to have the YNYF club. We were horrors. The Yellow Nylon Y Front club... Our poor flatmates... who's horrible underwear is this on the line we'd ask. Needless to say... said underwear would then stay there for days because whoever it belonged to, would be too embarrassed to claim it.

      LOL... on the rogue pubic hair. :-)

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Aloha Meg :-)