Thursday, January 29, 2015

Do CURVES make us sexy or fat? ~ 80% of men CRAVE curves! ~ Conversations with Spencer

Do CURVES make us sexy or fat? ~ 80% of men CRAVE curves!

Real men crave real women
Researchers at Georgia Gwinnett College and the University of Texas at Austin say that: Curvy women hit men's brains like a drug.
“Scans of the observers’ brains when looking at curvy women showed activity in the same reward centers activated by pleasurable drugs. The men experienced a kind of high.”

VOLUPTUOUS ~ Va-va-voom!!!

Aloha everyone,

Thanks as always for reading our Conversations with Spencer. We love you!! 

Today we’re going to talk about curvy women. When I ran the Lush and Blush Club on FB, we celebrated curvy women. What was interesting was how many men commented on the pictures. They LOVED them! And I’m not talking about the busty babes. Just voluptuous, sexy, curvy women of all shapes and sizes.

Spencer and I have talked about it a few times. He—like a lot of men—80 percent of them—love curvy women.

But women often don’t celebrate that same level of enthusiasm for curves.

We see ourselves as fat.

Slowly over the years, I have moved my own perceptions toward what makes a women sexy, and how curvy I like being. I celebrate when women of all shapes and sizes acknowledge their bodies and show them off with pride. I love being home in Hawai’i. Going to the beach there is a treat. The Hawaiian women are often bigger and curvier than the ‘norm.’ But god, they’re sexy and luscious. They wear every type of swimsuit. They look fabulous!! I admire how much women now wear things that show their curves and are comfortable with that. I didn’t grow up like that. I had to learn that it’s okay to be a woman and have curves.

So here’s some interesting bits and bobs on curves, sexiness and what our resident male Spencer in this conversation thinks of curvy women…

“Men love curves. Countless cross-cultural studies have shown that men prefer a low hip-to-waist ratio, no matter the body weight. In other words, small waists in relation to larger hips and breasts seem to be the ideal worldwide. Yes, 36-24-36 is a brick house in any language.”

Who’s language? And what culture? I’d love to know. To me ‘brick house’ is not particularly complimentary. “She’s built like a brick shit house.” FAIL.

Or maybe it's the definition of the old Commodores song "Brick House." "Mighty, mighty, letting it all hang out..." And it describes a 'strong, sexy, woman.' 

Back in the day, I was a 34-24-34. Not far off the ‘brick house’ quote, either way. In New Zealand, I was considered very slim. Now, I'd feel overly slim, at that size. When I was a 22 inch waist, I looked like a stick insect. I weighed in at 127 pounds and looked gaunt. Cheek bones so sharp you could slice bread with them. I’m comfortable at about 160 pounds. Not that I’m ACTUALLY that weight at the moment… bugger it. At 5 foot 5, I’m average height, but at 160 pounds, not average weight…in America.

When I first came here, I was floored by the size 2 and 0 thing. I wondered who on earth fitted such things. In New Zealand, adult women’s sizes only go down to size 8 (the 22 inch waist.) Under that, you’re in the kiddies section, deemed too small to be an adult!

“Twenty years ago, most fashion models were a size 8. Today, that's been replaced by an emaciated size 0. Meanwhile, during those same two decades, the average American woman, who stands 5' 4", ballooned from a size 10 to a size 14.

Fun fact: A 14, which is now considered a "plus size," was approximately sex bomb Marilyn Monroe's dress size.”
~ Nancy Hayssen

So, how cultural is weight? How fashionable is weight?

Through the ages, it’s gone in and out of fashion. Even in the last hundred years we have seen it going up and down. Various factors affected this, but one thing that seems somewhat consistent, men have always liked curves.

In the renaissance era from the 1400s to the early 16th century, women were more voluptuous. Paintings by Rubens show full-figured women and were the epitome of sexy. “Rubenesque” came from this time period. His painted his second wife, 16-year-old Hélène Fourment.

In 1751, Frenchman, Francois Boucher, painted The Resting Maiden which depicted a woman with a curvy body. Manet had curvy nudes in his paintings, so it stayed in style for centuries.

In the Victorian Era from the 1830s to 1900’s – sexy meant having the smallest waist possible and women often had ribs removed (without anesthetic) to achieve this. Eek.
The classic Gibson Girl
The “Gibson Girl” in the late 1800s was tall, large busted and had wide hips, with a narrow waist. Ankles started to become sexualized and were arousing… Women like actress, Lillian Russell were sex symbols of the day. Curvaceous, luscious, sirens admired by everyone.

The English fashion designer Gok Wan is fabulous about making women love their curves. Got breasts, flaunt them! Got a lovely tiny waist and decent hips—sex it up! Got a booty to beat Britain, wiggle those buns off!

Okay, some of us can go with what we think are the ‘sexier’ bits. Fair enough. But what about the ‘muffin top’ and other wobbly bits? What do men think?

Surprisingly, men often don’t see what we see. They see ‘cuddly’ bits and no, that’s not a euphemistic term for ‘cute but not sexy.’ It means I’d like to cuddle, touch and HAVE sex with you. I asked one of my toyboys, “What does our fat feel like to you?” He replied, “Soft, sexy, something to grab hold of.” “More cushin’ for the pushin…’ Another man told fellow writer Lucee Lovett that the more body fat a women has, the (literally) hotter she is to have sex with. The vaginal space is hotter around the penis. Who knew?

One study found men prefer a woman that is 10-15 pounds heavier than what the women believed to be the ideal weight men want.

And we’re going to take the ‘muffin top’ question, directly to Spencer, because he’s a tummy man. What kind of tummies do you like best Spencer? Is the muffin top a turn off? Do you like hips, small, bigger waists? What’s sexy, what’s not?

I'm not a fan of a 'six pack' on a woman-not that it doesn't look good-but for what it represents. To get that look I think a woman has to have less than 10% body fat, which for most women would be extremely stressful. I think women stop ovulating if they get down to 5% body fat. Nature wants fat on a woman's body. To have that chiseled look requires such self obsession, there wouldn't be much space for anyone else. Give me that gentle curve as the tummy disappears behind the underwear line. It seems to say 'follow me'. I'm not a big fan of piercing especially in sensitive areas but a curved tummy with a piercing is another layer of hot.

A woman's hips should be wider than mine. These days the models have hips like a ten year old boy. I want something I can grab.

The Roaring 20s swept in Coco Chanel, shorter hemlines and the flapper era. Suddenly women wanted to hide their curves. Psychologically it seems to go with the change in women at that time. They drunk, smoked and drove cars. They downplayed their breasts and waists, and showed more leg. Some bound their chests with cloth to achieve the boyish look. Elastic webbed girdles replaced the corset, and gave the look of a flat tummy. “Women danced and played sports, no longer infatuated with the Victorian ideal of being frail, sickly or matronly.”

By the thirties curves were making a comeback.
Hollywood star Mae West could not have been more different from the flappers. She emphasized her waist and hips, flaunting her figure through close-fitting dresses. 

West allegedly once said: “Cultivate your curves -- they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.”


The other thing I’ve noticed is that these days, younger women don’t seem to mind showing off their ‘fat’ or ‘curves.’ Back in the day, we would NEVER have worn something that showed an inch of fat. Nor would we have worn a bra strap that didn’t match or discreetly blend in with our clothing. So, I like to see the freedom of these things in the younger women now. We wouldn’t have been caught dead wearing a bikini with a ‘tummy.’ I love being at home in Hawai’i, because the Hawaiian women are generally bigger and they wear all types of swimsuits. It’s so freeing. I love it!

From the 60s onward, we went through a rollercoaster of the Twiggy era to the 2000’s with Brazilian model Adriana Lima.
“Bras and underwear changed. The body becomes something for you to control from the inside, through diet and exercise, instead of exterior control through the corset. Different body parts get attention in different ways.”
Twiggy in her heyday in the 60s

Brazilian model, Adriana Lima with CURVES. 

As our ‘corsetry’ became less cumbersome, less weight was sexier.

A boyfriend recommended La Perla underwear to me. I looked up the website and was aghast. I’d have to be 5 foot 10 and weigh in at 86 pounds to wear it—lovely as it is. I’d be a) probably dead and b) a lethal weapon—my bones so finely honed and defined, I could take someone’s eye out with a stray elbow bone.

I wear Simone Perele, a French company, made for sensuous women and have the most comfortable, best fitting, sexiest, bras out. Okay, true enough, their panties don’t fit me. I’m classically ‘Australasian’ in my shape. Very hour glass with a short waist, and I have a good size bum on me (which I like). After much trial and error, have discovered that men’s trunk underwear are the most flattering to me. But they don’t come in lace much… and I must have lace.

(just been looking for pics. You can get mens trunks in lace. I shall be investing in some!!)

So, what do men like again? Spencer?


Here in the frozen tundra we don't see much skin six months out of the year and even in the warm weather women show less skin here than in my adopted home of Summer Haven, Florida. Very few women look really good in bikini's to me. It requires perfect proportions. One piece suits with deep scallops over the hips and a plunging breast line are very hot for curvy women.


I was at a conference once and the keynote speaker was a woman in her late forties who was very attractive and confident. She wore a floor length knit fabric skirt and close fitting top of the same material.  What struck me most about her was that she had a ‘tummy.’ And she wasn’t embarrassed to show it to us. She looked fabulous!! And I realized in that moment… that yes… actually, we’re women, we’re supposed to have tummies and curves. After that, I stopped hiding so many of my ‘wobbly’ bits and started acting and looking like a ‘woman.’ Whatever that is in truth, but you get my meaning! 

Despite women becoming more body conscious in the 30s and 40s in the golden age of Hollywood, curves were still in. Clothes were fitting and shapely again. Chanel designed the ‘little black dress.’ Dior and Schiaparelli were gods. Skinny still got bad press in the forties. One ad even boasted how a woman had put on 10 pounds and how much sexier that made her.

In 1955, Betty Page won the title of “Miss Pinup Girl of the World.” She was known as the “Queen of Curves.” The sexiest woman in the world, Marilyn Monroe, in her early career in the 1950's was big-boned, buxom, soft and simply gorgeous.

Sex symbols of the 1950s include Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield and Betty Page, known for their long legs and busty hourglass figures. Pin-up girls like Sophia Loren and Brigitte Bardot exuded glamour. 

"The body is meant to be seen, not all covered up," Monroe once said.

Spencer, do men notice the ‘wobbly’ bits. What do they think of them? Arms, thighs, backsides, calves, tummies, boobs, backs… the list goes on if you’re a woman…

One research shows men prefer women with “softer” figures.


The trend these days is for women to have "guns," muscular arms. Madonna went way overboard with the look. I think Michelle Obama has it about right, nice curves, not too cut. Now when was the last time we had a hot first lady? She's late forties, I think. If it’s okay for the first lady to show arms, and not hide her hips and tummy under loose fitting tops, then it should be okay for anyone.


And do men think we are ‘fat’ or do they think we’re ‘curvy and sexy.’


A lot of it is how the woman projects herself. Bad posture, a dour expression, poor make-up, stringy hair and ill fitting clothes make a plus sized woman look fat. To me sexy is a state of mind. A woman has to feel sexy to be sexy. A big smile, bright eyes, clothes that say “how 'bout some of this?” make a man turn his head and bump into things. What can I say, we're visual but we can pick up the vibe of how a woman feels about herself. No one wants a psychic waste dump.

Fully 80 percent of men ages 18 to 50 say they want a voluptuous woman, according to former plus size model Nancy Hayssen (and several studies have backed this percentage up.)

78 percent of men said a woman's most attractive feature is her smile.


So, overall, it’s confidence and curves that give a woman her sex appeal. That Va-va-voom magic. I’d like to see us celebrating being women more—being curvaceous, confident, soft, feminine, strong, independent, loving, intelligent—confident of our opinions, voices, minds and bodies. 

Thanks as always for reading Conversations with Spencer on love, relationships and sex.

Aloha Meg and Spencer. J

 You can contact Spencer or Meg at: 

Spencer Dryden

Some men are born great, others strive for greatness; still others have greatness thrust upon them. Spencer Dryden is none of these men. In fact, he's so unimpressive he leaves no footprints on newly fallen snow. He was trained in fiction writing on the job with the many sales reports he produced for his managers, winning the coveted 'Keep Your Job Contest' three years running. His expense reports are still considered masterpieces of forgery by the bankruptcy trustee of his former employer. He lives an unremarkable life in a suburb of a northern city. His friends and family would drop dead in horror if they knew of his secret life as a writer of erotica. He hates the family cat, but still loves to pet his wife..


Coming soon!!! 

Meg Amor

Amor Vincet Omnit~

Love Conquers All.

It’s no surprise that multi-published contemporary author Meg
Amor has always believed in love and romance. She writes deep sensual romance stories about heartfelt connections and deep soul relationships, published with Muse It Up Publishing and upcoming with Loose Id Publishing.

Meg Amor ~ is the author of the steamy sultry erotic romance story ~ Dark War, published by Muse it Up Publishing. Plus the heartfelt soul connection romance, Saint Nicholas and the upcoming first of the Troika Love Series trilogy ~ Henry and Isolde in Spring. Also being released with Loose Id Publishing ~ Hawaiian Lei ~ the first of The Hawaiians series, a gay m/m romance.
Author and publisher of the self-help motivational book, The Mystic Manifestor ~ living with spirit. Trust in the Universe to turn up whatever you need in life. Know you’re guided every step of the way.

Meg spent a lifetime as a therapist collecting fascinating unusual love stories. She loves to write about committed poly relationships and other romance mixes across the sexes.

Interviewed for The Good Men Project with Brian O’Shea on whether women would read an erotic romance novel written by a man. She also runs the successful where she and romance erotica author Spencer Dryden tackle a different subject regarding sex, love and relationships from the male and female point of view.

Meg hand-wrote and ”published” her first book when she
was eleven years old about her parents’ separation and marriage. Constantly told as a child she had a vivid and over-active imagination—the dawn of the computer era meant she could now take dictation at speed from the interesting characters galloping around her head.

She grew up in New Zealand, and temporarily lives in California with her Ginger Ninjas cats, the American fur children, Leo Ray Jr. and Mr. Beaumont. Her heart and soul are split between her American home state of Hawai’i in Kona on the Big Island. Or the sultry steamy Southern city of New Orleans where many of her books are set. You’ll find her in one of these places, soaking up the atmosphere.

Either eating at fabulous fine dining and fusion restaurants with friends or wafting overhead in the air flying an open cockpit biplane. Meg loves to travel and believes the Expedia ad, ‘Would you go if you could go anywhere in the world, but it had it be today?’ was specifically made with her in mind. Aloha!


The Troika Love Series trilogy: Muse It Up Publishing

~ HENRY AND ISOLDE ~ Releasing Spring 2015
A polyfaithful committed m/m/f love story. 
~ The Chi Circle 
~ The Flame Still Burns

The Hawaiians Love Series: Loose Id Publishing 

~ HAWAIIAN LEI ~ Releasing Spring 2015 
A heartfelt soul connection gay male/male romance.
~ Hawaiian Orchid
~ Hawaiian Ginger
~ Hawaiian Fragrance
~ Hawaiian Coffee
~ Hawaiian Mac 

RUSSIAN SOUL SONGS ~ Troika Christmas 2015 Novella 

Feb 14th 2015 - naughty books and play things giveaways. :-) Come and join us. 

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  1. Meg:
    As usual, your great pics add so much to our conversation. I love the curves!

  2. Aloha Spencer! :-) Thanks... :-) I'm glad you like them. Curves are sexy!!!

    Aloha Meg :-)